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A political & humor blog also featuring movie & TV drinking games and other humor, funny signs, and ways to make money off the internet.

Latest posts:

2 offbeat stories: The record for names for the male genitalia in a serious news story and a loose seal

Untested freshman gets nod vs. Gamecocks

This story must break the record for the "most slang words for the male genitalia in a serious news story". I count 4.

Seal bites off woman's nose

But was it wearing a yellow bow tie?

posted by Jonathan @ 10:39 PM Monday, October 31, 2005  
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CBS apologizes for John Roberts referring to Samuel Alito as "sloppy seconds"

No, not that John Roberts. That was my first thought when I heard the name.

Anyway, earlier this morning, CBS Correspondent John Roberts asked the following in regard to the Supreme Court nomination of Samuel Alito: "Scott, you said that - or the President said, repeatedly, that Harriet Miers was the best person for the job. So does that mean Alito is sloppy seconds, or what?"

Roberts and CBS issued an apology, saying
"At the morning White House gaggle, I used an unfortunate choice of words in a question to Scott McClellan. Please be assured that there was no perjorative intent to my question. I was merely attempting to reconcile past statements about Harriet Miers with the President's new nominee for the Supreme Court.

The early morning White House gaggle is an informal, free-wheeling and often irreverent forum, which is not broadcast and generally not publicly available.

Obviously, my tone this morning was a little too casual.

As we all experience from time to time, it was one of those 'oops' moments which we wish we could rewind and re-record.

I apologize to anyone who took offense to my poor choice of words. I can assure you I meant none."
This story was much more interesting when I thought the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court had said it.

That said, the guy is now getting trashed by neocons on the CBS blog. The first post regarding the issue is above, but John Roberts has made another apology in the post here. Of course, some of these ever so tolerant Repugs are still calling for his head, just as they did when Dick Cheney told Patrick Leahy to "go fuck himself". Oh wait, they didn't.

posted by Jonathan @ 10:10 PM  
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Harriet Miers & Dick Cheney speak out on Saturday Night Live

If you're like me and you missed last night's episode of Saturday Night Live because you were at a Halloween party (I went as Buster from Arrested Development, here's a clip courtesy of Crooks and Liars.

In the clip, a drunken Harriet Miers makes some good points. Poor Rachel Dratch. She is the biggest loser in all of this.

And in another clip, courtesy of Daily Dissent, Dick Cheney, played by Darrell Hammond, discusses the indictment of Scooter Libby.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:36 PM Sunday, October 30, 2005  
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Saddam Hussein and Mel Gibson: Separated at birth?

It appears that Mel Gibson has gone and grown a crazy beard. He now bears a striking resemblance to Saddam Hussein.

saddam hussein looks like mel gibson crazy beard

Hey Mel, stop wasting your time growing a beard and making movies in languages I don't understand and start making Lethal Weapon 5!

posted by Jonathan @ 6:49 PM Saturday, October 29, 2005  
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The Onion responds to the White House request to stop using the presidential seal

Remember how The White House asked The Onion to stop using the presidential seal?

The Onion parody sunday magazine Laura Bush I just wish I could stop shitting blood presidential seal removal request white house

Game, set, and match to The Onion.

Childish? Yes. But it's the perfect response to such a stupid request. Plus jokes about shitting blood are always funny.

I think the White House will just let this one go now.

Could you imagine them holding a press conference on this?
Reporter: What is your response to The Onion's portrayal of Laura Bush as someone who is shitting blood?

Scott McClellan: I'm going to be happy to talk about this at the appropriate time. You and everybody in this room, or most people in this room, I should say, know me very well, and they know the type of person that I am. And I'm confident in our relationship that we have. But I will be glad to talk about this at the appropriate time, and that's once the investigation is complete. I'm not going to get into commenting based on reports or anything of that nature.

Reporter: So, can you confirm whether or not the First Lady's anus is actually bleeding?

McClellan: Well, those overseeing the investigation expressed a preference to us that we not get into commenting on the investigation while it's ongoing. And that was what they requested of the White House. And so I think in order to be helpful to that investigation, we are following their direction.

Reporter: Is the Laura Bush's bleeding from her ass or not?

McClellan: Again, I appreciate the question. I know you want to get to the bottom of this. No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the president of the United States. And I think the way to be most helpful is to not get into commenting on it while it is an ongoing investigation. And that's something that the people overseeing the investigation have expressed a preference that we follow.
And that's why we're continuing to follow that approach and that policy.

Reporter: Can you at least confirm that you have been talking to outside consultants about Laura Bush's alleged bleeding problem?

McClellan: Well, we are listening to what others have to say, not only the United States Senate, but outside as well. And there are a lot of people expressing their views right now. There are suggestions that, sure, people are going to make as we move forward and we'll look at and consider those suggestions. The president also met with the Congressional Black Caucus and said he would take their views into account as we move forward as well.

Thank you.

(Thanks to Thinkprogress.org for the McClellan quotes)

posted by Jonathan @ 8:04 PM Friday, October 28, 2005  
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The real Harriet Miers resignation letter

Apparently, Harriet Miers' resignation letter that was handed in today was NOT the original draft.

The original withdrawal letter is available for your review.

Maybe it's just me, but I like the original letter better.

posted by Jonathan @ 11:18 PM Thursday, October 27, 2005  
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Schwarzenegger Street

Here's a fun little video. In it, Arnold Schwarzenegger & other Republicans are portrayed as various characters from Sesame Street.

(Thanks AMERICAblog)

posted by Jonathan @ 9:00 PM  
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Mike Luckovich asks the obvious question about the unfortunate milestone from the other day

At AJC.com (Mike Luckovich's Cartoon on Wednesday, October 26, 2005):

mike luckovich atlanta journal constitution 2000 dead in iraq

You can see a larger pdf version here so the names are easier to see.

This has to be one of the best political cartoons I have ever seen. I hate to call it a cartoon. It apparently took Mike Luckovich 13 hours to draw. As much praise as I want to give him for taking the time to do this, it pales in comparison to the sacrifice of every soldier listed. Why, indeed.

posted by Jonathan @ 8:53 PM Wednesday, October 26, 2005  
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Are blue states better to work in than red states?

Today a report was released by the University of Massachusetts that lists the best states to work in. They took several factors into consideration, including job opportunities, job quality, and workplace fairness. As I did with the study of how smart each state is a few weeks ago, I highlighted each state in red or blue based on how they voted in the last election. Once again, you can interpret this as you wish.

Overall WEI rankings

1 Delaware
2 New Hampshire
3 Minnesota
4 Vermont
5 Iowa
6 Connecticut
7 Indiana
7 Nebraska

7 Wisconsin
10 South Dakota
11 North Dakota

12 Maine
12 Pennsylvania
12 Rhode Island
15 New Jersey
16 Kentucky
16 Missouri

18 Hawaii
18 Massachusetts
20 Maryland
21 Alaska
21 Washington
23 Illinois
24 Michigan
24 Ohio
26 Virginia
27 Colorado
27 Kansas
27 Montana
27 Tennessee
31 Idaho
31 Wyoming

33 California
34 DC
34 Georgia
36 New York
36 Oregon
38 West Virginia
39 Oklahoma
40 Florida
40 North Carolina
42 Nevada
43 Alabama
44 New Mexico
45 Arizona
46 Mississippi
47 South Carolina
48 Utah
49 Arkansas
50 Texas
51 Louisiana

posted by Jonathan @ 8:01 PM  
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Who doesn't love Karl Rove?

Even though it's been around for a while, I thought this would be an appropriate time to post a link to ilovekarlrove.com.

Merry Fitzmas Eve or Fitzmas Eve Eve, whatever the case may be. I have heard so many different rumors about how many people are going to be indicted, what the charges are going to be, and when the indictments are going to come down that I'm not even going to bother posting any links until something is official. At that point, you can expect a nice big picture of anyone who might get led away in handcuffs. I will be severely disappointed if this does not happen.

posted by Jonathan @ 7:34 PM  
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White House unhappy with The Onion's usage of the presidential seal

Everyone loves The Onion right?

Well, apparently the White House doesn't. They have asked the site to remove the presidential seal from their pages. (MSNBC)

Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of the satirical newspaper, said its lawyer disagrees with the White House assessment.

"I've been seeing the presidential seal used in comedy programs most of my life and to my knowledge none of them have been asked not to use it by the White House," Dikkers said.

"I would advise them to look for that other guy Osama (bin Laden) ... rather than comedians. I don't think we pose much of a threat," Dikkers said.
Oh come on, Scott, free speech is always a threat to this administration.

On a side note to MSNBC, is it really necessary to add "Bin Laden" in parentheses after Osama? Are there many other well-known Osamas walking around out there?

Update: Since I wrote this 2 days ago, Fark has had a photoshop contest where people photoshopped other inappropriate uses of the Presidential Seal.

posted by Jonathan @ 6:10 PM  
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Sorry for the lack of posts

I have had some uploading problems for the past couple of days, but the problem seems to be fixed now. I apologize for the lack of posts during that time. Thanks.

posted by Jonathan @ 6:04 PM  
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Jack Straw meets Cletus

'Mr. England' bemuses Alabama locals

British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw was in the United States this weekend, visiting Alabama with Condoleeza Rice.

Americans never pass up a good opportunity to show off their ignorance, thus explaining the quotes below.
"You're the English guy," Joyce Delahoussaye said as she shook hands with the foreign minister of America's closest ally.

"I've seen you on TV, and they said you were from England."

"He's Mr. England," she said, introducing Straw to her son, Randy, as the two diplomats met displaced victims of Hurricane Katrina in Pelham.

At a ceremony to unveil statues in Birmingham, speakers variously called the visitor Mr. Shaw and Mr. Snow.

They also mangled his title, appointing him secretary of state to the commonwealth of the United Kingdom.
The article also goes on to say: "Local newspaper The Tuscaloosa News questioned whether Straw was just on a junket to help shore up the Bush administration image."

It looks like Tony Blair isn't the only one who gets to get on his knees and take one for the team.

posted by Jonathan @ 11:02 PM Sunday, October 23, 2005  
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George Bush doesn't care about kindergartners

On Friday, George W. Bush visited Los Angeles. As is the case with many Presidential visits, this causes havoc for the locals who are just trying to get to where they are going (Story).

These locals included 100 kindergartners who were off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. However, they didn't get to see the performance after getting stuck in traffic for 90 minutes. This was their first ever field trip and many of them had been looking forward to it for months.

One grownup said this about the visit. "If he can sneak in and out of Baghdad without anybody knowing it, it seems like he could slip in and out of L.A. without disrupting rush hour - twice."

Well, he didn't. And as a result, 100 kids will have this as their first field trip memory. I still remember my first field trip. I had won a writing contest (the Arizona Young Authors something-or-other) and I got to go to ASU to see some guest speakers. The person I was most excited about seeing? Bil Keane, creator of "The Family Circus".

What can I say? I was 7 at the time.

posted by Jonathan @ 10:31 PM  
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Washington's Funniest Celebrity Contest

The Washington's Funniest Celebrity Contest took place the other night.

I debated on whether or not I should post this, since these allegedly funny people aren't all that entertaining, but a couple of the jokes actually aren't too bad.

Linda Sanchez's "Top Ten Reasons For Not Dating Republicans" is the funniest thing mentioned in the article. (Ex. 2. Republicans are only interested in screwing the poor.)

Still, journalist Andrew Sullivan probably summed it up best when he called it "the Special Olympics of comedy."

Catch up on the event here.

posted by Jonathan @ 7:53 PM Saturday, October 22, 2005  
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The racist, KKK, Nazi version of the Olsen Twins

This is sick.

Two girls have been bred to be the Nazi version of the Olsen Twins. Their parents have brainwashed them into being racists. They have an album and a music video and go by the name Prussian Blue. The songs of course, are filled with hatred and racism.

"They need to have the background to understand why certain things are happening," said April, a stay-at-home mom who no longer lives with the twins' father. "I'm going to give them, give them my opinion just like any, any parent would."

There is a major difference between demonstrating an opinion in front of your kids and exploiting them for your own personal gain. There is no way these girls understand what is being done to them. Of course kids will be influenced by the opinions of their parents. But good parents also teach their kids the value of forming their own opinions and not letting others think for them.

posted by Jonathan @ 7:39 PM  
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I'm a bit late on the bandwagon with this one, but this is fun. So much fun that the real Scientologists are suing. Which will only draw more attention to the site. Sooner or later people will figure out how this internet thing works.


Making fun of Tom Cruise never gets old. I can remember when I was actually able to watch the movies he was in. I had been looking forward to seeing War of the Worlds but then he decided to go crazy and start jumping on couches and insisting he knew the history of psychiatry. No wonder why Nicole Kidman dumped his ass.

posted by Jonathan @ 11:28 PM Friday, October 21, 2005  
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New Emergency Indictment System

John over at AmericaBLOG has created a Emergency Indictment System, mocking of course the Department of Homeland Security's color-coded terror alert system.

Emergency Indictment System

Right now we are at a "Yellow", or significant risk of indictment for those involved in the Valerie Plame case.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:41 PM Thursday, October 20, 2005  
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The rich get richer: New Hampshire senator wins Powerball prize

One person in Oregon won last night's $340 million Powerball jackpot. Of course, that wasn't the only prize. A few dozen other people won a few hundred thousand dollars each.

One of these people is a Republican U.S. Senator Judd Gregg from New Hampshire (AZCentral). Yes, he's already a millionaire. And the rich just get richer.

Jealous? Damn right. I would have settled for the $853,492 that he won. He doesn't even need the money.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:30 PM  
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Heidi Klum's new baby resembles a certain someone

I was just having a look at Egotastic when I saw the below picture of Heidi Klum and the new baby she just had with Seal. Truth be told, the kid freaked me out. It's pretty rare that you see an ugly baby, but the baby so far seems to have inherited none of Heidi Klum's looks.

Heidi Klum with her new baby, who is allegedly half-Seal

I could not stop staring at the kid. Eventually I realized it was because the baby had a striking resemblance to someone:

Heidi Klum and Seal's new baby looks more like Noel Gallagher from Oasis

I think the real story is that Noel Gallagher chose Heidi Klum to carry his clone, similar to what Tom Cruise is doing with Katie Holmes. Now all they have to do is wait for the kid's eyebrows to grow in. Oasis truly will live forever!

posted by Jonathan @ 10:54 PM Wednesday, October 19, 2005  
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Bill O'Reilly on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Bill O'Reilly was on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night. Excellent interview as always. They booed him often and they booed him well. I will say this though: I respect the fact that Bill O'Reilly will go on The Daily Show considering how much they make fun of him and Fox News. At least his exchanges with Jon Stewart are always interesting.

The tide is definitely turning in this country. Not that a Daily Show audience isn't biased, but the left is definitely on the offensive, between the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, Tom Delay, and the Valerie Plame case. Hopefully we will be seeing some indictments from that sometime soon. Word has it there could be up to 22 indictments, including anyone from Karl Rove to Dick Cheney.

Crooks and Liars has the video of Bill O'Reilly on The Daily Show.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:14 PM  
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Jeff Gannon to write a book

Jeff Gannon, former White House softball question asker by day, gay escort by night, is apparently planning on writing a book.

No word on what the title will be, but the good folks over at AmericaBlog have some ideas.

My suggestion:

"Jeff Gannon's Tongue-in-Cheek Guide to the White House"

posted by Jonathan @ 8:59 PM  
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Arrest warrant issued for Tom Delay

Oh, happy day!

Today an arrest warrant was issued for Tom Delay.

Nancy Pelosi was kind enough to post a copy of it online. Tom Delay arrest warrant.

One crook down, several hundred more to go.

posted by Jonathan @ 8:53 PM  
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Voting irregularities in Ohio... I mean Iraqi election?

There are reports that some voting irregularities have been found after this weekend's election in Iraq.
Iraq's election commission announced Monday that officials were investigating "unusually high" numbers of "yes" votes in about a dozen provinces during Iraq's landmark referendum on a new constitution, raising questions about irregularities in the balloting.

Meanwhile, word of the review came as Sunni Arab leaders repeated accusations of fraud after initial reports from the provinces suggested the constitution had passed. Among the Sunni allegations are that police took ballot boxes from heavily "no" districts, and that some "yes" areas had more votes than registered voters.

A prominent Sunni Arab politician, Saleh al-Mutlaq, claimed Diyala in particular had seen vote rigging. He said he was told by the manager of a polling station in a Kurdish district of Diyala that 39,000 votes were cast although only 36,000 voters were registered there.

Al-Mutlaq said soldiers broke into a polling station in a Sunni district of the Diyala city of Baqouba and took ballot boxes heavy with "no" votes and that later results showed a "yes" majority. His claims could not be independently verified.

"Bottom line, we can say that the whole operation witnessed interference from government forces," he said.
Now where have we heard this before?
An error with an electronic voting system gave President Bush 3,893 extra votes in suburban Columbus, elections officials said.

Franklin County's unofficial results had Bush receiving 4,258 votes to Democrat John Kerry's 260 votes in a precinct in Gahanna. Records show only 638 voters cast ballots in that precinct. Bush's total should have been recorded as 365.
Sweet! We're spreading American-style democracy already! I believe Diyala is Arabic for Ohio.

posted by Jonathan @ 10:48 PM Monday, October 17, 2005  
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New presidential challenger - General Zod

It looks like Christopher Walken has some competition in the 2008 Presidential Campaign.

It's General Zod in 2008!

His campaign announcement:

Zod kicks off campaign in Philly
PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) -- General Zod launched his 2008 Presidential bid yesterday, greeted by a crowd of over 25,000.

"I am General Zod!" he bellowed, surveying the masses. "Listen to me, people of the Earth! Today I bring a new order to your planet! Your lands, your homes, your possessions, your very lives -- all of this and more you will gladly give to me! In return, I promise you lower taxes and cheap gas prices!"

The promise was met by wild cheers and a fanfare of balloons and confetti.

He continued: "It is as useless for you to deny me your vote as it is for me to annihilate you. You will only bring death and destruction upon yourselves, while I lose the potential products of your labor. In return for your vote, you will have my generous protection! In other words - you will be allowed to live.

"Hear me now! There is now one law, one order, one ruler who alone will determine your collective destiny! Kneel before me! From this day forward - there is only Zod!"

The reception among the crowd was enthusiastic. Said Doris Eddins, 53, of Trenton, "That's my President right there. I hear he's gonna put a lien on my house, but he's promising tax refunds. You hear that? The President's gonna send me a check!"

Zod is expected to make stops in Cincinnati and Indianapolis tomorrow.

I can't say that he sounds that much worse than what we have now.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:23 PM Sunday, October 16, 2005  
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Condoleeza Rice on Meet the Press this morning

The quote below, courtesy of Think Progress, sums up what we all knew. The Bush Administration saw Iraq as a bigger target than Al-Qaeda. They were hellbent on invading Iraq and would do anything to get their war there. Here's Condi on NBC's Meet the Press this morning:
The fact of the matter is that when we were attacked on September 11, we had a choice to make. We could decide that the proximate cause was al Qaeda and the people who flew those planes into buildings and, therefore, we would go after al Qaeda…or we could take a bolder approach.
So this "bolder approach" apparently meant invading a country that had nothing to do with September 11th, all while letting the guy responsible for September 11th get away with it. According to the quote above, the Bush Administration chose Iraq over Bin Laden and the rest of Al-Qaeda. While they have been fiddling about in Iraq, Bin Laden has still been (relatively) free to spread his ideas, ideas which we are now seeing executed in Iraq. Instead of keeping us safe from terrorism, they have made us an even bigger target.

Crooks and Liars has the video, as always.

posted by Jonathan @ 12:16 PM  
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White House videos of Barney the Dog

Many American families film their pets. However, not many do so while they are supposed to be running the country.

At http://www.whitehouse.gov/barney/ they have several videos up of Barney the White House Dog. Go watch the one from December of 2004. Harriet Miers is in it at one point. Bush actually "lectures" the dog on what his job is. He is actually more convincing when he is talking to the dog than he has been during any of his speeches to the American people.

This all occurs just after the intro. In this introduction, some fake reporter who has probably actually asked questions during press conferences talks about how Barney has been repeatedly passed up for cabinet positions such as Secretary of State and Attorney General.

The sad thing is, I bet Bush actually considered him at some point. Could Barney have been any less qualified than Michael Brown? I bet Barney would have saved lives in New Orleans, Lassie style.

posted by Jonathan @ 11:38 AM  
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Changes to the site

I changed the layout a little bit. The biggest change is the logo in the corner. I wanted something that didn't take up as much space as well as something that better explained what this site is. I also made the gray parts lighter, and made the main text white so it stands out more. I've been trying out a few different ad layouts lately, which you have probably noticed. I'm just trying to find what works best for both site navigation as well as click-throughs. Let me know what you think of the changes. If you find something that doesn't look right, please tell me. Thanks.

posted by Jonathan @ 12:00 AM  
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Video of where Americans think we should attack next

This is funny. Some people interviewed some regular Americans, showed them a map, and asked them where they think we will attack next. Some of the answers are hilarious. I have no idea how old this is, but American stupidity is timeless. Pay special attention to the map, since it shows not only that Americans know nothing about world politics, they know nothing about geography. Or at least, that was the case for these people that were interviewed.

See the video here.

posted by Jonathan @ 7:06 PM Saturday, October 15, 2005  
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Reporter in a canoe in shallow water on the Today show

On yesterday's Today show, they had live video coverage of the flooding in the Northeast.

When they went live on the scene, the reporter was in a canoe. It appeared that she was in very deep water. However, as soon as she began talking, two guys walked past her, showing that the water was actually very shallow. The whole thing had been staged. Michelle Kosinski, the reporter, tried to cover it by saying she wasn't allowed to go into the deeper water, but this only goes to show what the media will do to exaggerate a story.

As always, Crooks and Liars has the video.

At least Matt Lauer and Katie Couric asked her about it, rather than ignoring what happened. Of course, the entire interview was replaced with a new one for the West Coast feed. Here on the West Coast, we never get to see anything good. If something goes wrong on the live show, it's always fixed by the time we get it.

The ironic thing: The story right before this one was about how the White House staged that question and answer session between President Bush and the troops in Iraq. How can anyone take the media seriously if they stage things themselves? While the Q & A with the troops was much worse, many people unfortunately will be unable to distinguish the two.

I'd be willing to wager a significant sum of money that The Daily Show will be having some fun with this piece on their next episode.

posted by Jonathan @ 11:41 AM  
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The best obituary ever

When I die, I would love to do something like this man did in the Chicago Tribune. (Thanks to AmericaBlog for posting it.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:44 PM Thursday, October 13, 2005  
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Keith Olbermann reports on the timing of terror alerts

Have you ever wondered if terror alerts have been used at times when they may be convenient to the Bush adminstration?

You are not alone. Keith Olbermann investigates in this article, finding unsurprising results.

There appears to be a correlation between the Bush administration having bad political news and a terror alert being issued. Granted, it is never a guarantee that the bad news led to the alert, but when the pattern happens again and again... well, draw your own conclusions.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:20 PM  
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Scalia Goes On Abortion Bender After Being Passed Over For Chief Justice

From The Onion (sorry that it's a bit old, but it's funny anyway):

NORFOLK, VA - Saying "Fuck this shit, I'm stopping beating hearts with my bare hands," Justice Antonin Scalia, overlooked for the vacated position of Supreme Court chief justice, went on a spiteful abortion-performing bender over the weekend. "If I'm not going to be permitted a lasting judicial legacy, to hell with law and order," said Scalia, the conservative Reagan appointee who has served on the court since 1986. "I worked my ass off for 20 years, and no one cares. So, who gives a shit? Safe, legal abortions for all. Who wants one?" Scalia added that 2000 presidential candidate Al Gore "totally won that election, any idiot knows that."

posted by Jonathan @ 11:50 PM Wednesday, October 12, 2005  
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Are blue states smarter than red states?

I saw this interesting article on Fark today. Each year, Morgan Quitno Press does a ranking of all the states to determine how smart they are compared to the others. They base it off several critera, including test scores, class sizes, and funding.

Arizona, not surprisingly, is the 3rd dumbest state.

Just out of curiosity, I took the list and then highlighted each state blue or red based on how it voted in the last election.

The List

1. Massachusetts

2. Connecticut

3. Vermont

4. New Jersey

5. Wisconsin

6. New York

7. Minnesota

8. Iowa

9. Pennsylvania

10. Montana

11. Maine

12. Virginia

13. Nebraska

14. New Hampshire

15. Kansas

16. Wyoming

17. Indiana

18. Maryland

19. North Dakota

20. Ohio

21. Colorado

22. South Dakota

23. Rhode Island

24. Illinois

25. North Carolina

26. Missouri

27. Delaware

28. Utah

29. Idaho

30. Washington

31. Michigan

32. South Carolina

33. Texas

33. West Virginia

35. Oregon

36. Arkansas

37. Kentucky

38. Georgia

39. Florida

40. Oklahoma

41. Tennessee

42. Hawaii

43. California

44. Alabama

45. Alaska

46. Louisiana

47. Mississippi

48. Arizona

49. Nevada

50. New Mexico

Interesting :)

Not scientific at all, but funny anyway.

posted by Jonathan @ 7:48 PM Monday, October 10, 2005  
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Great headline

Big Unit, Wang available in Yanks' bullpen

posted by Jonathan @ 12:17 PM Sunday, October 09, 2005  
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Death toll now over 18,000 in earthquake in Pakistan

Wow. According to the Pakistani government, the death toll for the earthquake is now over 18,000 (CNN).

posted by Jonathan @ 9:52 PM Saturday, October 08, 2005  
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Earthquake in Pakistan & India kills thousands

An earthquake measuring around 7.7 on the Richter scale has killed thousands in Pakistan, India, and Afghanistan (CNN).

Political tensions between India and Pakistan over the Kashmir region took a back seat Saturday as Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh called Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf to offer help. Musharraf thanked him for his offer.

Musharraf called the quake "a major catastrophe" and said that "relief efforts began minutes" after it happened.

Pakistan's military spokesman Maj. Gen. Shaukat Sultan told CNN it was the largest relief operation the country has ever mobilized.

Tents, sleeping bags, blankets, water, food and a lot of help were arriving from all over the country and overseas, said Pakistani Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz.

"The government has moved quickly, and we hope that we can minimize the losses," he said.

The United States, Britain, Germany, Turkey, Japan, the United Nations and non-governmental humanitarian groups have marshaled resources to help the region.
It's good to see that help is getting there quickly. It's pretty amazing though that it appears that the Pakistani government is moving much faster than our own government did after Hurricane Katrina. But at least the U.S. government is sending help to our allies after this earthquake.

It is also nice to see that Pakistan and India are putting politics aside for the moment. Perhaps this tragedy can help bring the two countries closer together. They have made a lot of progress in the past few years, so they are already moving in the direction of peace.

posted by Jonathan @ 2:09 PM  
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Jon Stewart on the Late Show with David Letterman

I know I have been posting a lot of things from Jon Stewart and David Letterman lately, so it's only natural that I would point you in the direction of Jon Stewart's interview on David Letterman Thursday night.

Crooks and Liars has it here.

I really need to find out about these things ahead of time so I don't have to keep downloading them.

It takes a bit for Jon to get warmed up, but once the interview gets going it's pretty good. He hits upon the usual topics, including President Bush (he thinks that he's appointing Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court so he can marry a man), Tom Delay, and the Emmys.

posted by Jonathan @ 11:27 AM  
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House Passes Bill to Boost Refineries

Today, the U.S. House of Representatives narrowly passed a bill to increase the number of refineries in the United States (among other things). (Yahoo! News)

The bill only passed because the Republican majority kept the voting open for 40 minutes extra so they could bully their colleagues into changing their votes.

If you ever need a summary of the last few years in American politics, this event is perfect.

First, you have Bush applauding the passage of a bill that ignores the environment and supports his oily friends.

The bill would streamline government permits for refineries, open federal lands including closed military bases for future refinery construction and limit the number of gasoline blends refiners have to produce, eliminating many blends now designed to reduce air pollution.

President Bush welcomed the vote. "I commend the House for passing legislation that would increase our refining capacity and help address the cost of gasoline, diesel fuels, and jet fuels," he said in a statement.

Second, you have Tom Delay and other Republicans bullying people.

Democrats to no avail called for gaveling the vote closed as GOP leaders lobbied their own members to switch votes and support the bill.

"He worked me over a little," said Rep. Bill Young, R-Fla., among the last group of lawmakers to switch to support the legislation, referring to his discussions with House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Illinois.

Rep. Tom DeLay, who recently stepped down temporarily as majority leader after being indicted in Texas over a campaign finance issue, was as active as ever, administering pressure on wavering lawmakers in the crowded, noisy House chamber.

Finally, you have outraged Democrats shouting in the darkness, inevitably being ignored.

Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., asked at one point, "Is this the House of a Banana Republic."

"Shame, shame, shame," came a chorus from the Democratic side of the aisle.

Afterward, Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi of California called it all "a shameless display of the Republican culture of corruption," a theme she has used in recent days on a number of issues since DeLay's indictment in Texas on conspiracy and money laundering charges in connection with campaign finance activities.

Business as usual in Washington.

And in an interesting decision, Yahoo! News is running this story right next to a Hurricane Katrina slideshow.

House passes bill to boost refnieries after Hurricane Katrina, people die? republicans strike again tom delay nancy pelosi pollution environment oil big business

Yeah, that's a guy with a dead body, right under the headline "House Passes Bill to Boost Refineries". How appropriate. The photos have been rotating throughout the day. Earlier there was one of a destroyed tomb.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:35 PM Friday, October 07, 2005  
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President Bush's speech on Iraq and the War on Terror

As you know, President Bush spoke today about the progress in Iraq and the War on Terror (CNN).

Wonkette has a pretty funny live blog from during his speech, which you can find here.

A sample:

10:14 We know they're militant because of the videos and web sites that terrorists release. If only we had adopted that supersecret surveillance tactic during the aftermath of Katrina!

Predictably, Bush continues to state that Iraq is the central part of the War on Terror. The thing is, Iraq was not a terror threat until AFTER we invaded. Saddam Hussein was a terrible, terrible man, but he was never a threat to this country. Now we have terrorists attacking our troops daily. If they weren't there, they wouldn't be attacked. If we had secured the borders properly so it was not possible for terrorists to sneak in from Syria or Iran, they wouldn't be attacked.

We never should have gone in the first place, but if we were going to do it, we should have done it right. Now it is too late. We can't pull out now, or else Iraq will fall to pieces. But from the way things are going, that is slowly happening anyway.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:06 PM Thursday, October 06, 2005  
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Late Show with David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Bush Is Drinking Again

That wacky David Letterman is at it again. I'm a couple of days late with this one, sorry.

Top Ten Signs Bush Is Drinking Again

10. "Begins every speech with, 'Dude, I'm so hungover'"

9. "Welcomed John Roberts with awkward, lingering hug"

8. "During recent speech, coughed up a swizzle stick"

7. "Now spells his name 'B-U-S-C-H'"

6. "Appointed Michael Brown head of Zima"

5. "He's been pronouncing words correctly"

4. "Next Supreme Court nominee: Johnny Walker Black"

3. "He's been asking Clinton for 'That hefty girl's telephone number'"

2. "Even the twins are urging him to slow down"

1. "Called a cabinet meeting to discuss 'Laura's dynamite ass'"

posted by Jonathan @ 8:56 PM  
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The Story of Jimmy Kimmel, Howard Stern, and Dr. Phil and the Hypocracy of Censorship

On my way into work this morning, I caught a bit of Howard Stern's show. He was discussing something he had seen on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night.

Apparently, Dr. Phil had run a segment that day where the discussion had turned to oral sex. In this discussion, the following comment was run uncensored and unedited (quote sourced from ricoslim):

"My husband never considers it to be oral sex unless he jacks off at the end into my mouth."

Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that if Howard Stern said a similar line, he would be fined $1 million. Howard agreed, of course. As Jimmy Kimmel said, Dr. Philthy indeed.

The section of the show is described in this section of Dr. Phil's site. The quote is not there of course, but you can easily imagine it being said. The site has tapes and transcripts available for sale, but the ones for the show in question are not up yet.

Why is it that Dr. Phil can get away with this, in a taped show no less? It is one thing for it to occur live on the air, but surely it could have been censored.

Now I am against censorship. I have no problem with what was said. I only have a problem with the hypocracy of a conservative Texan being able to have this on his show, while a loud mouth New Yorker would not dare to do so.

If you would like to report this to the FCC, you may do so at http://www.fcc.gov. The exact page is at http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/consumerfacts/obscene.html. Let them know that you won't stand for them applying their rules to some but not others.

In a somewhat related story, at least Dr. Phil is getting sued for his failed diet plan. While I think you are a moron if you think a few pills will make you lose weight and that you shouldn't trust that smarmy asshole in the first place, I can't wait to see him squirm in court (assuming it gets that far).

And again in a somewhat related story in the other direction, Jimmy Kimmel Live has been renewed until January 2007.

I think that his show is underrated. I certainly like him better than Leno, and at least in Arizona, he is on after the opening part of Letterman and before Conan comes on. The video and audio editing bits are fantastic, especially "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship". You can see a video of some of the best clips here.

While I have considered that this Dr. Phil incident was only a result of a well-placed beep being added in, I really doubt it. First, what word could appear in place of "jacks off" that would make that suitable for daytime TV? Second, they would have saved it for "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship", which airs on Fridays. I would love to get a clip from Dr. Phil itself, but that doesn't look like it will happen.

posted by Jonathan @ 8:57 PM Wednesday, October 05, 2005  
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Late Show with David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Your Supreme Court Pick Isn't Qualified

From Letterman last night:

Top Ten Signs Your Supreme Court Pick Isn't Qualified

10. "Lost 10 grand yesterday in the 'case' of Jets vs. Ravens"

9. "Spends most of her time trying to fit the gavel into her mouth"

8. "Her legal mentor: Oliver Wendell Redenbacher"

7. "Asks courtroom stenographer to, 'Quit that annoying tapping!'"

6. "Instead of Constitutional law books, consults set of 'Garfield' paperbacks"

5. "Keeps shouting, 'When does mama get to hang somebody?!'"

4. "When Scalia walks by, she pretends to cough and says, 'Rogaine'"

3. "Authored the book: 'I'm Not Qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice'"

2. "The closest thing to courtroom experience was being an extra on 'Matlock'"

1. "Glowing letter of recommendation from former FEMA director Michael Brown"

posted by Jonathan @ 9:29 PM Tuesday, October 04, 2005  
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Jon Stewart daily briefing

Here's an interesting article about Jon Stewart's recent hosting of a magazine industry panel.

And, because I can, check out Crooks and Liars for a clip from The Daily Show last night where Jon points out the inconsistencies between what President Bush is saying about how we are doing in Iraq, versus the truth. John McCain asks some tough questions and doesn't take the bullshit answers that were given to him.

posted by Jonathan @ 5:32 PM  
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Some great internet videos (National Geographic & The Shining)

I'm a sucker for edited videos.

I'm also a sucker for cool webcams.

Here's one of each.

First, a trailer for The Shining, if it had been a romantic comedy. You can read the story about the clip here.

Second, here is a webcam of an African watering hole, courtesy of National Geographic.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:07 PM Sunday, October 02, 2005  
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More on last night's Saturday Night Live (John Roberts fun with Real Audio)

Last night's Saturday Night Live was a pretty good start to the season.

One of the better bits was "Fun with Real Audio". TV Funhouse is usually a section of SNL that you can depend on to be funny.

The audio that was used was taken from John Roberts' congressional hearing for his nomination for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. It started with him giving his vague, noncommital answers to Congress and then progressed to him giving vague, noncommital answers in other situations. Since my explanation won't be as good as the actual bit, see the link below.


posted by Jonathan @ 7:57 PM  
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Season Premiere of Saturday Night Live

A few random thoughts on the season opener for Saturday Night Live:

They seem to have added 3 new cast members, all white guys with stupid indie hair.

Darrell Hammond is back for his 72nd season. Two more years and he will break the record currently held by Tim Meadows.

They really need to have a section in the opening credits that covers all the people who left. There must be some people who aren't around anymore, but I don't know who.

It seems like Saturday Night Live is losing its relevance. I am hoping that it is just because it is the first episode, so they have the whole summer's worth of news to cover, but the political humor was too similar to what I have seen on the internet or on The Daily Show. Unless the writing is perfect; however, a weekly show will be nowhere near as relevant as a blog that can be updated constantly, or a show that is on every night.

I suppose though that the recycled political humor is okay if it is reaching a somewhat different audience.

This cast has potential. So far the new people seem to be pretty good. The key is always the 2nd half of the show though. If they can have funny sketches on after the first musical performance, then it's a good show.

I just caught the tail end of an ad that showed a couple of dodgy guys making crystal meth. The ad said something to the effect of "Know who your chemist is". Sweet. Now I know to buy my meth from reliable sources.

Ha. That bit with Mike Myers and Kanye West was brilliant.

posted by Jonathan @ 10:41 PM Saturday, October 01, 2005  
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ABC to feature anti-gay religious group on Extreme Makeover Home Edition

DailyKos has the story.

Apparently, Sunday's edition of Extreme Makeover Home Edition is going to feature Focus on the Family. Focus on the Family is one of the many groups who are wanting to focus on the family, provided the family is white, Christian, and straight.

Well done, ABC.

DailyKos has info for contacting both the producers of the show, as well as ABC. We all know groups like Focus on the Family have their minions call in to voice their displeasure with anything, so let's do the same.

posted by Jonathan @ 9:49 PM  
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Typhoon Longwang expected to make landfall today

Typhoon Longwang expected to make landfall today

Taiwan residents were urged yesterday to brace for Typhoon Longwang, a strong typhoon that is expected to make landfall this morning, according to the Central Weather Bureau (CWB).

Tracking map

Heh heh heh... you said Longwang.

posted by Jonathan @ 10:50 AM  
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