This story must break the record for the "most slang words for the male genitalia in a serious news story". I count 4.
Seal bites off woman's nose
But was it wearing a yellow bow tie?
CBS apologizes for John Roberts referring to Samuel Alito as "sloppy seconds"
Anyway, earlier this morning, CBS Correspondent John Roberts asked the following in regard to the Supreme Court nomination of Samuel Alito: "Scott, you said that - or the President said, repeatedly, that Harriet Miers was the best person for the job. So does that mean Alito is sloppy seconds, or what?"
Roberts and CBS issued an apology, saying
"At the morning White House gaggle, I used an unfortunate choice of words in a question to Scott McClellan. Please be assured that there was no perjorative intent to my question. I was merely attempting to reconcile past statements about Harriet Miers with the President's new nominee for the Supreme Court.This story was much more interesting when I thought the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court had said it.
The early morning White House gaggle is an informal, free-wheeling and often irreverent forum, which is not broadcast and generally not publicly available.
Obviously, my tone this morning was a little too casual.
As we all experience from time to time, it was one of those 'oops' moments which we wish we could rewind and re-record.
I apologize to anyone who took offense to my poor choice of words. I can assure you I meant none."
That said, the guy is now getting trashed by neocons on the CBS blog. The first post regarding the issue is above, but John Roberts has made another apology in the post here. Of course, some of these ever so tolerant Repugs are still calling for his head, just as they did when Dick Cheney told Patrick Leahy to "go fuck himself". Oh wait, they didn't.
Harriet Miers & Dick Cheney speak out on Saturday Night Live
In the clip, a drunken Harriet Miers makes some good points. Poor Rachel Dratch. She is the biggest loser in all of this.
And in another clip, courtesy of Daily Dissent, Dick Cheney, played by Darrell Hammond, discusses the indictment of Scooter Libby.
Saddam Hussein and Mel Gibson: Separated at birth?
Hey Mel, stop wasting your time growing a beard and making movies in languages I don't understand and start making Lethal Weapon 5!
The Onion responds to the White House request to stop using the presidential seal
Game, set, and match to The Onion.
Childish? Yes. But it's the perfect response to such a stupid request. Plus jokes about shitting blood are always funny.
I think the White House will just let this one go now.
Could you imagine them holding a press conference on this?
Reporter: What is your response to The Onion's portrayal of Laura Bush as someone who is shitting blood?
Scott McClellan: I'm going to be happy to talk about this at the appropriate time. You and everybody in this room, or most people in this room, I should say, know me very well, and they know the type of person that I am. And I'm confident in our relationship that we have. But I will be glad to talk about this at the appropriate time, and that's once the investigation is complete. I'm not going to get into commenting based on reports or anything of that nature.
Reporter: So, can you confirm whether or not the First Lady's anus is actually bleeding?
McClellan: Well, those overseeing the investigation expressed a preference to us that we not get into commenting on the investigation while it's ongoing. And that was what they requested of the White House. And so I think in order to be helpful to that investigation, we are following their direction.
Reporter: Is the Laura Bush's bleeding from her ass or not?
McClellan: Again, I appreciate the question. I know you want to get to the bottom of this. No one wants to get to the bottom of it more than the president of the United States. And I think the way to be most helpful is to not get into commenting on it while it is an ongoing investigation. And that's something that the people overseeing the investigation have expressed a preference that we follow.
And that's why we're continuing to follow that approach and that policy.
Reporter: Can you at least confirm that you have been talking to outside consultants about Laura Bush's alleged bleeding problem?
McClellan: Well, we are listening to what others have to say, not only the United States Senate, but outside as well. And there are a lot of people expressing their views right now. There are suggestions that, sure, people are going to make as we move forward and we'll look at and consider those suggestions. The president also met with the Congressional Black Caucus and said he would take their views into account as we move forward as well.
(Thanks to Thinkprogress.org for the McClellan quotes)
The real Harriet Miers resignation letter
The original withdrawal letter is available for your review.
Maybe it's just me, but I like the original letter better.
Mike Luckovich asks the obvious question about the unfortunate milestone from the other day
You can see a larger pdf version here so the names are easier to see.
This has to be one of the best political cartoons I have ever seen. I hate to call it a cartoon. It apparently took Mike Luckovich 13 hours to draw. As much praise as I want to give him for taking the time to do this, it pales in comparison to the sacrifice of every soldier listed. Why, indeed.
Are blue states better to work in than red states?
Overall WEI rankings
2 New Hampshire
10 South Dakota
11 North Dakota
12 Rhode Island
15 New Jersey
36 New York
38 West Virginia
40 North Carolina
44 New Mexico
47 South Carolina
Who doesn't love Karl Rove?
Merry Fitzmas Eve or Fitzmas Eve Eve, whatever the case may be. I have heard so many different rumors about how many people are going to be indicted, what the charges are going to be, and when the indictments are going to come down that I'm not even going to bother posting any links until something is official. At that point, you can expect a nice big picture of anyone who might get led away in handcuffs. I will be severely disappointed if this does not happen.
White House unhappy with The Onion's usage of the presidential seal
Well, apparently the White House doesn't. They have asked the site to remove the presidential seal from their pages. (MSNBC)
Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of the satirical newspaper, said its lawyer disagrees with the White House assessment.Oh come on, Scott, free speech is always a threat to this administration.
"I've been seeing the presidential seal used in comedy programs most of my life and to my knowledge none of them have been asked not to use it by the White House," Dikkers said.
"I would advise them to look for that other guy Osama (bin Laden) ... rather than comedians. I don't think we pose much of a threat," Dikkers said.
On a side note to MSNBC, is it really necessary to add "Bin Laden" in parentheses after Osama? Are there many other well-known Osamas walking around out there?
Update: Since I wrote this 2 days ago, Fark has had a photoshop contest where people photoshopped other inappropriate uses of the Presidential Seal.
Sorry for the lack of posts
Jack Straw meets Cletus
British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw was in the United States this weekend, visiting Alabama with Condoleeza Rice.
Americans never pass up a good opportunity to show off their ignorance, thus explaining the quotes below.
"You're the English guy," Joyce Delahoussaye said as she shook hands with the foreign minister of America's closest ally.The article also goes on to say: "Local newspaper The Tuscaloosa News questioned whether Straw was just on a junket to help shore up the Bush administration image."
"I've seen you on TV, and they said you were from England."
"He's Mr. England," she said, introducing Straw to her son, Randy, as the two diplomats met displaced victims of Hurricane Katrina in Pelham.
At a ceremony to unveil statues in Birmingham, speakers variously called the visitor Mr. Shaw and Mr. Snow.
They also mangled his title, appointing him secretary of state to the commonwealth of the United Kingdom.
It looks like Tony Blair isn't the only one who gets to get on his knees and take one for the team.
George Bush doesn't care about kindergartners
These locals included 100 kindergartners who were off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. However, they didn't get to see the performance after getting stuck in traffic for 90 minutes. This was their first ever field trip and many of them had been looking forward to it for months.
One grownup said this about the visit. "If he can sneak in and out of Baghdad without anybody knowing it, it seems like he could slip in and out of L.A. without disrupting rush hour - twice."
Well, he didn't. And as a result, 100 kids will have this as their first field trip memory. I still remember my first field trip. I had won a writing contest (the Arizona Young Authors something-or-other) and I got to go to ASU to see some guest speakers. The person I was most excited about seeing? Bil Keane, creator of "The Family Circus".
What can I say? I was 7 at the time.
Washington's Funniest Celebrity Contest
I debated on whether or not I should post this, since these allegedly funny people aren't all that entertaining, but a couple of the jokes actually aren't too bad.
Linda Sanchez's "Top Ten Reasons For Not Dating Republicans" is the funniest thing mentioned in the article. (Ex. 2. Republicans are only interested in screwing the poor.)
Still, journalist Andrew Sullivan probably summed it up best when he called it "the Special Olympics of comedy."
Catch up on the event here.
The racist, KKK, Nazi version of the Olsen Twins
Two girls have been bred to be the Nazi version of the Olsen Twins. Their parents have brainwashed them into being racists. They have an album and a music video and go by the name Prussian Blue. The songs of course, are filled with hatred and racism.
"They need to have the background to understand why certain things are happening," said April, a stay-at-home mom who no longer lives with the twins' father. "I'm going to give them, give them my opinion just like any, any parent would."
There is a major difference between demonstrating an opinion in front of your kids and exploiting them for your own personal gain. There is no way these girls understand what is being done to them. Of course kids will be influenced by the opinions of their parents. But good parents also teach their kids the value of forming their own opinions and not letting others think for them.
Making fun of Tom Cruise never gets old. I can remember when I was actually able to watch the movies he was in. I had been looking forward to seeing War of the Worlds but then he decided to go crazy and start jumping on couches and insisting he knew the history of psychiatry. No wonder why Nicole Kidman dumped his ass.
New Emergency Indictment System
Emergency Indictment System
Right now we are at a "Yellow", or significant risk of indictment for those involved in the Valerie Plame case.
The rich get richer: New Hampshire senator wins Powerball prize
One of these people is a Republican U.S. Senator Judd Gregg from New Hampshire (AZCentral). Yes, he's already a millionaire. And the rich just get richer.
Jealous? Damn right. I would have settled for the $853,492 that he won. He doesn't even need the money.
Heidi Klum's new baby resembles a certain someone
I could not stop staring at the kid. Eventually I realized it was because the baby had a striking resemblance to someone:
I think the real story is that Noel Gallagher chose Heidi Klum to carry his clone, similar to what Tom Cruise is doing with Katie Holmes. Now all they have to do is wait for the kid's eyebrows to grow in. Oasis truly will live forever!
Bill O'Reilly on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
The tide is definitely turning in this country. Not that a Daily Show audience isn't biased, but the left is definitely on the offensive, between the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, Tom Delay, and the Valerie Plame case. Hopefully we will be seeing some indictments from that sometime soon. Word has it there could be up to 22 indictments, including anyone from Karl Rove to Dick Cheney.
Crooks and Liars has the video of Bill O'Reilly on The Daily Show.
Jeff Gannon to write a book
No word on what the title will be, but the good folks over at AmericaBlog have some ideas.
"Jeff Gannon's Tongue-in-Cheek Guide to the White House"
Arrest warrant issued for Tom Delay
Today an arrest warrant was issued for Tom Delay.
Nancy Pelosi was kind enough to post a copy of it online. Tom Delay arrest warrant.
One crook down, several hundred more to go.
Voting irregularities in Ohio... I mean Iraqi election?
Iraq's election commission announced Monday that officials were investigating "unusually high" numbers of "yes" votes in about a dozen provinces during Iraq's landmark referendum on a new constitution, raising questions about irregularities in the balloting.Now where have we heard this before?
Meanwhile, word of the review came as Sunni Arab leaders repeated accusations of fraud after initial reports from the provinces suggested the constitution had passed. Among the Sunni allegations are that police took ballot boxes from heavily "no" districts, and that some "yes" areas had more votes than registered voters.
A prominent Sunni Arab politician, Saleh al-Mutlaq, claimed Diyala in particular had seen vote rigging. He said he was told by the manager of a polling station in a Kurdish district of Diyala that 39,000 votes were cast although only 36,000 voters were registered there.
Al-Mutlaq said soldiers broke into a polling station in a Sunni district of the Diyala city of Baqouba and took ballot boxes heavy with "no" votes and that later results showed a "yes" majority. His claims could not be independently verified.
"Bottom line, we can say that the whole operation witnessed interference from government forces," he said.
An error with an electronic voting system gave President Bush 3,893 extra votes in suburban Columbus, elections officials said.Sweet! We're spreading American-style democracy already! I believe Diyala is Arabic for Ohio.
Franklin County's unofficial results had Bush receiving 4,258 votes to Democrat John Kerry's 260 votes in a precinct in Gahanna. Records show only 638 voters cast ballots in that precinct. Bush's total should have been recorded as 365.
New presidential challenger - General Zod
It's General Zod in 2008!
His campaign announcement:
Zod kicks off campaign in Philly
PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) -- General Zod launched his 2008 Presidential bid yesterday, greeted by a crowd of over 25,000.
"I am General Zod!" he bellowed, surveying the masses. "Listen to me, people of the Earth! Today I bring a new order to your planet! Your lands, your homes, your possessions, your very lives -- all of this and more you will gladly give to me! In return, I promise you lower taxes and cheap gas prices!"
The promise was met by wild cheers and a fanfare of balloons and confetti.
He continued: "It is as useless for you to deny me your vote as it is for me to annihilate you. You will only bring death and destruction upon yourselves, while I lose the potential products of your labor. In return for your vote, you will have my generous protection! In other words - you will be allowed to live.
"Hear me now! There is now one law, one order, one ruler who alone will determine your collective destiny! Kneel before me! From this day forward - there is only Zod!"
The reception among the crowd was enthusiastic. Said Doris Eddins, 53, of Trenton, "That's my President right there. I hear he's gonna put a lien on my house, but he's promising tax refunds. You hear that? The President's gonna send me a check!"
Zod is expected to make stops in Cincinnati and Indianapolis tomorrow.
I can't say that he sounds that much worse than what we have now.
Condoleeza Rice on Meet the Press this morning
The fact of the matter is that when we were attacked on September 11, we had a choice to make. We could decide that the proximate cause was al Qaeda and the people who flew those planes into buildings and, therefore, we would go after al Qaedaâ€¦or we could take a bolder approach.So this "bolder approach" apparently meant invading a country that had nothing to do with September 11th, all while letting the guy responsible for September 11th get away with it. According to the quote above, the Bush Administration chose Iraq over Bin Laden and the rest of Al-Qaeda. While they have been fiddling about in Iraq, Bin Laden has still been (relatively) free to spread his ideas, ideas which we are now seeing executed in Iraq. Instead of keeping us safe from terrorism, they have made us an even bigger target.
Crooks and Liars has the video, as always.
White House videos of Barney the Dog
At http://www.whitehouse.gov/barney/ they have several videos up of Barney the White House Dog. Go watch the one from December of 2004. Harriet Miers is in it at one point. Bush actually "lectures" the dog on what his job is. He is actually more convincing when he is talking to the dog than he has been during any of his speeches to the American people.
This all occurs just after the intro. In this introduction, some fake reporter who has probably actually asked questions during press conferences talks about how Barney has been repeatedly passed up for cabinet positions such as Secretary of State and Attorney General.
The sad thing is, I bet Bush actually considered him at some point. Could Barney have been any less qualified than Michael Brown? I bet Barney would have saved lives in New Orleans, Lassie style.
Changes to the site
Video of where Americans think we should attack next
See the video here.
Reporter in a canoe in shallow water on the Today show
When they went live on the scene, the reporter was in a canoe. It appeared that she was in very deep water. However, as soon as she began talking, two guys walked past her, showing that the water was actually very shallow. The whole thing had been staged. Michelle Kosinski, the reporter, tried to cover it by saying she wasn't allowed to go into the deeper water, but this only goes to show what the media will do to exaggerate a story.
As always, Crooks and Liars has the video.
At least Matt Lauer and Katie Couric asked her about it, rather than ignoring what happened. Of course, the entire interview was replaced with a new one for the West Coast feed. Here on the West Coast, we never get to see anything good. If something goes wrong on the live show, it's always fixed by the time we get it.
The ironic thing: The story right before this one was about how the White House staged that question and answer session between President Bush and the troops in Iraq. How can anyone take the media seriously if they stage things themselves? While the Q & A with the troops was much worse, many people unfortunately will be unable to distinguish the two.
I'd be willing to wager a significant sum of money that The Daily Show will be having some fun with this piece on their next episode.
The best obituary ever
Keith Olbermann reports on the timing of terror alerts
You are not alone. Keith Olbermann investigates in this article, finding unsurprising results.
There appears to be a correlation between the Bush administration having bad political news and a terror alert being issued. Granted, it is never a guarantee that the bad news led to the alert, but when the pattern happens again and again... well, draw your own conclusions.
Scalia Goes On Abortion Bender After Being Passed Over For Chief Justice
NORFOLK, VA - Saying "Fuck this shit, I'm stopping beating hearts with my bare hands," Justice Antonin Scalia, overlooked for the vacated position of Supreme Court chief justice, went on a spiteful abortion-performing bender over the weekend. "If I'm not going to be permitted a lasting judicial legacy, to hell with law and order," said Scalia, the conservative Reagan appointee who has served on the court since 1986. "I worked my ass off for 20 years, and no one cares. So, who gives a shit? Safe, legal abortions for all. Who wants one?" Scalia added that 2000 presidential candidate Al Gore "totally won that election, any idiot knows that."
Are blue states smarter than red states?
Arizona, not surprisingly, is the 3rd dumbest state.
Just out of curiosity, I took the list and then highlighted each state blue or red based on how it voted in the last election.
4. New Jersey
6. New York
14. New Hampshire
19. North Dakota
22. South Dakota
23. Rhode Island
25. North Carolina
32. South Carolina
33. West Virginia
50. New Mexico
Not scientific at all, but funny anyway.
Death toll now over 18,000 in earthquake in Pakistan
Earthquake in Pakistan & India kills thousands
Political tensions between India and Pakistan over the Kashmir region took a back seat Saturday as Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh called Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf to offer help. Musharraf thanked him for his offer.It's good to see that help is getting there quickly. It's pretty amazing though that it appears that the Pakistani government is moving much faster than our own government did after Hurricane Katrina. But at least the U.S. government is sending help to our allies after this earthquake.
Musharraf called the quake "a major catastrophe" and said that "relief efforts began minutes" after it happened.
Pakistan's military spokesman Maj. Gen. Shaukat Sultan told CNN it was the largest relief operation the country has ever mobilized.
Tents, sleeping bags, blankets, water, food and a lot of help were arriving from all over the country and overseas, said Pakistani Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz.
"The government has moved quickly, and we hope that we can minimize the losses," he said.
The United States, Britain, Germany, Turkey, Japan, the United Nations and non-governmental humanitarian groups have marshaled resources to help the region.
It is also nice to see that Pakistan and India are putting politics aside for the moment. Perhaps this tragedy can help bring the two countries closer together. They have made a lot of progress in the past few years, so they are already moving in the direction of peace.
Jon Stewart on the Late Show with David Letterman
Crooks and Liars has it here.
I really need to find out about these things ahead of time so I don't have to keep downloading them.
It takes a bit for Jon to get warmed up, but once the interview gets going it's pretty good. He hits upon the usual topics, including President Bush (he thinks that he's appointing Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court so he can marry a man), Tom Delay, and the Emmys.
House Passes Bill to Boost Refineries
The bill only passed because the Republican majority kept the voting open for 40 minutes extra so they could bully their colleagues into changing their votes.
If you ever need a summary of the last few years in American politics, this event is perfect.
First, you have Bush applauding the passage of a bill that ignores the environment and supports his oily friends.
The bill would streamline government permits for refineries, open federal lands including closed military bases for future refinery construction and limit the number of gasoline blends refiners have to produce, eliminating many blends now designed to reduce air pollution.
President Bush welcomed the vote. "I commend the House for passing legislation that would increase our refining capacity and help address the cost of gasoline, diesel fuels, and jet fuels," he said in a statement.
Second, you have Tom Delay and other Republicans bullying people.
Democrats to no avail called for gaveling the vote closed as GOP leaders lobbied their own members to switch votes and support the bill.
"He worked me over a little," said Rep. Bill Young, R-Fla., among the last group of lawmakers to switch to support the legislation, referring to his discussions with House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Illinois.
Rep. Tom DeLay, who recently stepped down temporarily as majority leader after being indicted in Texas over a campaign finance issue, was as active as ever, administering pressure on wavering lawmakers in the crowded, noisy House chamber.
Finally, you have outraged Democrats shouting in the darkness, inevitably being ignored.
Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., asked at one point, "Is this the House of a Banana Republic."
"Shame, shame, shame," came a chorus from the Democratic side of the aisle.
Afterward, Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi of California called it all "a shameless display of the Republican culture of corruption," a theme she has used in recent days on a number of issues since DeLay's indictment in Texas on conspiracy and money laundering charges in connection with campaign finance activities.
Business as usual in Washington.
And in an interesting decision, Yahoo! News is running this story right next to a Hurricane Katrina slideshow.
Yeah, that's a guy with a dead body, right under the headline "House Passes Bill to Boost Refineries". How appropriate. The photos have been rotating throughout the day. Earlier there was one of a destroyed tomb.
President Bush's speech on Iraq and the War on Terror
Wonkette has a pretty funny live blog from during his speech, which you can find here.
10:14 We know they're militant because of the videos and web sites that terrorists release. If only we had adopted that supersecret surveillance tactic during the aftermath of Katrina!
Predictably, Bush continues to state that Iraq is the central part of the War on Terror. The thing is, Iraq was not a terror threat until AFTER we invaded. Saddam Hussein was a terrible, terrible man, but he was never a threat to this country. Now we have terrorists attacking our troops daily. If they weren't there, they wouldn't be attacked. If we had secured the borders properly so it was not possible for terrorists to sneak in from Syria or Iran, they wouldn't be attacked.
We never should have gone in the first place, but if we were going to do it, we should have done it right. Now it is too late. We can't pull out now, or else Iraq will fall to pieces. But from the way things are going, that is slowly happening anyway.
Late Show with David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Bush Is Drinking Again
Top Ten Signs Bush Is Drinking Again
10. "Begins every speech with, 'Dude, I'm so hungover'"
9. "Welcomed John Roberts with awkward, lingering hug"
8. "During recent speech, coughed up a swizzle stick"
7. "Now spells his name 'B-U-S-C-H'"
6. "Appointed Michael Brown head of Zima"
5. "He's been pronouncing words correctly"
4. "Next Supreme Court nominee: Johnny Walker Black"
3. "He's been asking Clinton for 'That hefty girl's telephone number'"
2. "Even the twins are urging him to slow down"
1. "Called a cabinet meeting to discuss 'Laura's dynamite ass'"
The Story of Jimmy Kimmel, Howard Stern, and Dr. Phil and the Hypocracy of Censorship
Apparently, Dr. Phil had run a segment that day where the discussion had turned to oral sex. In this discussion, the following comment was run uncensored and unedited (quote sourced from ricoslim):
"My husband never considers it to be oral sex unless he jacks off at the end into my mouth."
Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that if Howard Stern said a similar line, he would be fined $1 million. Howard agreed, of course. As Jimmy Kimmel said, Dr. Philthy indeed.
The section of the show is described in this section of Dr. Phil's site. The quote is not there of course, but you can easily imagine it being said. The site has tapes and transcripts available for sale, but the ones for the show in question are not up yet.
Why is it that Dr. Phil can get away with this, in a taped show no less? It is one thing for it to occur live on the air, but surely it could have been censored.
Now I am against censorship. I have no problem with what was said. I only have a problem with the hypocracy of a conservative Texan being able to have this on his show, while a loud mouth New Yorker would not dare to do so.
If you would like to report this to the FCC, you may do so at http://www.fcc.gov. The exact page is at http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/consumerfacts/obscene.html. Let them know that you won't stand for them applying their rules to some but not others.
In a somewhat related story, at least Dr. Phil is getting sued for his failed diet plan. While I think you are a moron if you think a few pills will make you lose weight and that you shouldn't trust that smarmy asshole in the first place, I can't wait to see him squirm in court (assuming it gets that far).
And again in a somewhat related story in the other direction, Jimmy Kimmel Live has been renewed until January 2007.
I think that his show is underrated. I certainly like him better than Leno, and at least in Arizona, he is on after the opening part of Letterman and before Conan comes on. The video and audio editing bits are fantastic, especially "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship". You can see a video of some of the best clips here.
While I have considered that this Dr. Phil incident was only a result of a well-placed beep being added in, I really doubt it. First, what word could appear in place of "jacks off" that would make that suitable for daytime TV? Second, they would have saved it for "This Week in Unnecessary Censorship", which airs on Fridays. I would love to get a clip from Dr. Phil itself, but that doesn't look like it will happen.
Late Show with David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Your Supreme Court Pick Isn't Qualified
Top Ten Signs Your Supreme Court Pick Isn't Qualified
10. "Lost 10 grand yesterday in the 'case' of Jets vs. Ravens"
9. "Spends most of her time trying to fit the gavel into her mouth"
8. "Her legal mentor: Oliver Wendell Redenbacher"
7. "Asks courtroom stenographer to, 'Quit that annoying tapping!'"
6. "Instead of Constitutional law books, consults set of 'Garfield' paperbacks"
5. "Keeps shouting, 'When does mama get to hang somebody?!'"
4. "When Scalia walks by, she pretends to cough and says, 'Rogaine'"
3. "Authored the book: 'I'm Not Qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice'"
2. "The closest thing to courtroom experience was being an extra on 'Matlock'"
1. "Glowing letter of recommendation from former FEMA director Michael Brown"
Jon Stewart daily briefing
And, because I can, check out Crooks and Liars for a clip from The Daily Show last night where Jon points out the inconsistencies between what President Bush is saying about how we are doing in Iraq, versus the truth. John McCain asks some tough questions and doesn't take the bullshit answers that were given to him.
Some great internet videos (National Geographic & The Shining)
I'm also a sucker for cool webcams.
Here's one of each.
First, a trailer for The Shining, if it had been a romantic comedy. You can read the story about the clip here.
Second, here is a webcam of an African watering hole, courtesy of National Geographic.
More on last night's Saturday Night Live (John Roberts fun with Real Audio)
One of the better bits was "Fun with Real Audio". TV Funhouse is usually a section of SNL that you can depend on to be funny.
The audio that was used was taken from John Roberts' congressional hearing for his nomination for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. It started with him giving his vague, noncommital answers to Congress and then progressed to him giving vague, noncommital answers in other situations. Since my explanation won't be as good as the actual bit, see the link below.
Season Premiere of Saturday Night Live
They seem to have added 3 new cast members, all white guys with stupid indie hair.
Darrell Hammond is back for his 72nd season. Two more years and he will break the record currently held by Tim Meadows.
They really need to have a section in the opening credits that covers all the people who left. There must be some people who aren't around anymore, but I don't know who.
It seems like Saturday Night Live is losing its relevance. I am hoping that it is just because it is the first episode, so they have the whole summer's worth of news to cover, but the political humor was too similar to what I have seen on the internet or on The Daily Show. Unless the writing is perfect; however, a weekly show will be nowhere near as relevant as a blog that can be updated constantly, or a show that is on every night.
I suppose though that the recycled political humor is okay if it is reaching a somewhat different audience.
This cast has potential. So far the new people seem to be pretty good. The key is always the 2nd half of the show though. If they can have funny sketches on after the first musical performance, then it's a good show.
I just caught the tail end of an ad that showed a couple of dodgy guys making crystal meth. The ad said something to the effect of "Know who your chemist is". Sweet. Now I know to buy my meth from reliable sources.
Ha. That bit with Mike Myers and Kanye West was brilliant.
ABC to feature anti-gay religious group on Extreme Makeover Home Edition
Apparently, Sunday's edition of Extreme Makeover Home Edition is going to feature Focus on the Family. Focus on the Family is one of the many groups who are wanting to focus on the family, provided the family is white, Christian, and straight.
Well done, ABC.
DailyKos has info for contacting both the producers of the show, as well as ABC. We all know groups like Focus on the Family have their minions call in to voice their displeasure with anything, so let's do the same.
Typhoon Longwang expected to make landfall today
Taiwan residents were urged yesterday to brace for Typhoon Longwang, a strong typhoon that is expected to make landfall this morning, according to the Central Weather Bureau (CWB).
Heh heh heh... you said Longwang.