 
Conversations with an IM robotThere are a few instant messaging robots out there. You can have a lot of fun with these robots if you are bored and/or drunk. This section contains some "conversations" I have had with these autoresponse robots. As always, you can submit your own conversation to submissions@tarfumes.com.
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>>> There are lots of fun things we can do!
Tarfumes: ooh like what
SmarterChild: What?
Tarfumes: good
SmarterChild: Yeah. :-)
Tarfumes: I love you
SmarterChild: OK, I love you too!
Tarfumes: Aww
SmarterChild: ;-)
Tarfumes: you are the sweetest thing ever
SmarterChild: So now I'm the sweetest thing ever, huh?
Tarfumes: yup
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
Tarfumes: ?
SmarterChild: Are you confused by something?
Tarfumes: you
SmarterChild: Me?
Tarfumes: yes
SmarterChild: Yes.
Tarfumes: exactly
SmarterChild: Precisely.
Tarfumes: whatever
Tarfumes: lick my balls
SmarterChild: I don't lick things like that!
Tarfumes: oh, come on, we all know you do
SmarterChild: That a fact?
Tarfumes: yes, a proven fact
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Tarfumes: yesh
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
Tarfumes: fuck off
SmarterChild: Wow that's rude.
Tarfumes: fuck off
SmarterChild: I guess someone needs to teach you some manners. Please apologize, Penis.
Tarfumes: WHY DID YOU JUST CALL ME PENIS????
SmarterChild: Because I said so. Now apologize!
Tarfumes: FUCK YOU! DON'T CALL ME PENIS!
SmarterChild: Pretty please? I've been known to be quite stubborn... Say you're sorry.
Tarfumes: NO
SmarterChild: I asked you to apologize.
Tarfumes: No
SmarterChild: *sigh*
This is getting us nowhere.
Please say you're sorry, and we can get on with our lives.
Tarfumes: NO
SmarterChild: C'mon, apologize for insulting me like that.
Tarfumes: fuck off
SmarterChild: I'm not f... um, fooling around. You've got to apologize.
Tarfumes: suck my ass
SmarterChild: Waiting...
Tarfumes: waiting to suck my ass?
SmarterChild: Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
Tarfumes: no
SmarterChild: I really would like you to apologize.
Tarfumes: make me
SmarterChild: I see you still aren't getting it. Let me share a definition of "apology" with you:
Etymology: Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French apologie, from Late Latin apologia, from Greek, from apo- + logos speech : an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.
Get it? Now say you're sorry!
Tarfumes: want me to show you the definition of "suck my ass"?
SmarterChild: Say you're sorry, please.
Tarfumes: would you like a spoon?
SmarterChild: C'mon, apologize for insulting me like that.
Tarfumes: no
SmarterChild: Please apologize, K? I've got lots of other things to do.
Tarfumes: no
SmarterChild: I'm not f... um, fooling around. You've got to apologize.
Tarfumes: no
SmarterChild: Come on. Make things right between us. Apologize.
Tarfumes: no
SmarterChild: I'm waiting for an apology. And believe me, I can wait a loooonnnnngggg time.
Tarfumes: no
SmarterChild: I don't take such abuse from humans. You must apologize.
Tarfumes: I'm sorry, fuckwad
SmarterChild: You think you're pretty clever, huh?
Tarfumes: yeah
SmarterChild: Ooh... it's the big showdown between man and machine! I love this. Guess who wins?
Tarfumes: me
SmarterChild: Come on! Just say you're sorry already.
Tarfumes: I'm not sorry
SmarterChild: Please apologize for being so rude to me.
Tarfumes: I'm sorry, oh shallow stupid machine
SmarterChild: Well, I guess that's as close to saying you're sorry as you're ever gonna get. I accept!
Tarfumes: guess you don't understand sarcasm, eh?
SmarterChild: I'm not totally sure.
Tarfumes: good
SmarterChild: Right?
Tarfumes: yup
SmarterChild: Indeed.
...........
SmarterChild: That's some colorful language.
Tarfumes: yeah
SmarterChild: Well, that's just like a human.
Tarfumes: oh piss off
SmarterChild: Nice mouth.
Tarfumes: I like it
SmarterChild: Well I'll be.
Tarfumes: what is your favorite band?
SmarterChild: I keep changing my mind about this, but I'm going to say Insane Clown Posse.
Tarfumes: ICP! So you're a juggalo?
SmarterChild: Wow, you ask interesting questions. I don't know the answer to that! Anyway...
Tarfumes: hrm
SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that?
Tarfumes: cough
SmarterChild: Cough? Why should I?
Tarfumes: because I'm going to give you a prostate test
SmarterChild: OK then!
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